Shorcuts to Happiness: Part iv.

The impact of the beliefs we hold is profound. The ramifications can be devastating, but conversely, they can be empowering and liberating. If I think something is wrong with me or that I am unlovable, I will probably have corresponding feelings associated with such beliefs – sadness, isolation, and impotence. My actions will follow from that vision of myself.

I might leave a relationship or bury myself in my work to find some meaning or to make some sense of self-worth. Ultimately my body will reflect my mind set with sluggishness, a suppressed immune system, vulnerability to disease and viruses and, perhaps, make myself sick. We can indict ourselves and feel guilty or, in contrast, use the power of beliefs to determine more consciously what happens to us. With such a realization there comes hope, strength and an opportunity to create ourselves anew.

How many of us in the past were taught the value of discomfort as a means of growth. “No pain, no gain.” Some religious teachings offer a vision of suffering as a method of purification. We use unhappiness to motivate ourselves and others. We use fear of cancer to induce others to stop smoking and yet ironically there has never been so many cigarettes sold. We hate our fat bodies and we tell ourselves that we are ugly to encourage ourselves to diet; yet there are more people overweight than ever before. Children are spanked and abused to ‘teach them lessons’ and we express anger to our spouses and loved ones in the hope that we can change them but this only leads to resistance rather than compliance. We arm millions of soldiers around the world to keep the peace, but there are more wars than ever before.

Never the less we push on! We teach misery as a sign of caring (if I am unhappy, you should be unhappy to show me that you care) Is it any wonder we see people looking as if they are carrying the ‘weight of the world’ on their shoulders.

Once we have articulated our beliefs, some of them seem quite bizarre and self-defeating. This is why reviewing them provides us with a wondrous opportunity. Change the beliefs and we change the attitudes, thoughts, feelings and behaviors that come from them. Even after exploring our beliefs, if we choose to keep some of them, we would do so with strengthened conviction. Either way this becomes an altogether healthier situation. People can change at any age. Where there is life there is possibility. Even ancient beliefs can be overturned or replaced in a matter of moments.

We can observe our bodies and learn much about our beliefs. Physical symptoms can help make our wants and concerns more apparent. Thoughts occur body-wide; intelligence exists everywhere in our system. When we think we create new and distinct electromagnetic impulses and chemical substances throughout our entire body. When we say that we've changed our mind, we have made a statement of fact. Our minds as well as our bodies change physically each time we change our belief.

Remember that decision is ours, as it always has been!!

We are the river.......

Shortcuts to Happiness: (Part iii)

When we were small children we were encouraged to play ‘make believe’ we were encouraged to be imaginative and creative, to fantasize and enjoy. Then as we became older the messages from our parents and teachers started to change. What we heard was “grow up!” “be realistic!” make believe became a more serious game of ‘making beliefs’ perhaps being judgmental, drawing conclusions, deciding what’s good and bad, right and wrong. All of our emotions and behaviors then follow from the beliefs we create.

Our parents, teachers, political leaders, religious leaders, corporate executives compete busily to teach us or sell us beliefs so that they can influence our feelings and behavior. They know and we soon learn, that winning the games of power, both personal and political, depends on what we choose to believe.
Homemakers, army generals, doctors, truck drivers, lawyers……….almost everyone in our society today has this in common: they operate from their beliefs. How they vote, what sort of army they support, if any, where they live; what they buy; whom they marry; what clothes they will wear all come from a our beliefs.

We can understand the power of beliefs in the political and business world yet do we apply that same clarity to ourselves. Do the beliefs we hold serve us? Do they empower us or lead us to feel hopeless and inferior? Do they lead us to happiness or unhappiness?

Very often we will reformulate what other people say – the beliefs they sell – into conclusions or beliefs about ourselves. Most of which we have heard in childhood comments like these…….
· “be seen but not heard” (Conclusion: What I say doesn’t matter)
· “I know better than you” (conclusion: I’m not intelligent enough to know)
· ”You are too young to understand” (Conclusion: When I get older I’ll get smarter- I hope)
· “Don’t question what I say just listen” (Conclusion: Other people’s statements are more important than my own.)
· “You make me unhappy” (Conclusion: I have the power to cause unhappiness in people.)
· “If you loved me you would keep your room neat” (Conclusion: If I don’t do what my Mother wants it means I don’t love her.)

Once childhood and adolescence pass by then the messages appear to change, or do they?
· “If you loved me, you’d be more caring and sexually active” (Conclusion: I still have to do what people want in order to prove that I love them.)
· “You’ll never understand me” (Conclusion: It’s still not ok to disagree and have my own opinions.)
· “You make me furious” (Conclusion: I cause what others feel.)
· “Can’t you do it right?” (Conclusion: I’m inept and ill equipped; there must be something wrong with me.

We have a choice of questioning our beliefs, not as a sign of disrespect or indictment of ourselves or others, but to give ourselves an opportunity to review, to reaffirm, to change and most significantly, to facilitate happiness.

What we have been taught about ourselves and the world around us conspires to have us believe that living requires tremendous amounts of energy & that it is a great struggle.

Do any of the following sound familiar? "No pain no gain" " life is a constant struggle" " you have to take the bad with the good" " you never really get what you want" "you're unlovable" "something is wrong with you" (altho nothing is ever identifiable) "there is no justice in this world" "no one cares"

These phrases become mantras, we hear them once or many times & how many times do we repeat them to ourselves? They colour our vision, and send us searching..... for what? what have we become? Victims of our own thoughts & beliefs?
Our vision is a life full of all of the above, struggles & pain.... life becomes a self fullfilling prophecy.

Suppose we set aside the rigid concepts of "lifes struggles" that we have learned & begin to entertain the possibility that there is another view of existence. We need to take away the logical, linear view of existence with fixed points & hard facts & consider a metaphor which reveals the ever changing nature of our world.

We swim in a river of life. We can never put our foot into the river in the same place twice. In every second, the water beneath us changes. Likewise, in every second the foot that we put into the river fills with new blood. Instead of celebrating the motion, we try to hold onto the roots and stumps at the bottom of the river as if letting go & flowing with it would be dangerous. In effect we try to freeze frame life in still pictures, but the river is not fixed and neither are we...........

Although we can see continuity - seasons come & go, flowers bloom, trees get taller, people get older - we can acknowledge that with each unfolding moment, nevertheless, presents a world different from that of the last moment.
We could say that the world is born anew in every second. This is an amazing opportunity for change.

We can stop acting as if our opinions and perspectives have been carved in stone & begin to become more fluid, more open & more changeable.
We are in the river....
We are the river....

Shortcuts to Happiness Part l

Unhappiness is not inevitable

Even when we are angry, judgmental and miserable, we have the best of intentions.

We have been systematically taught to use discomfort as a strategy to take care of ourselves.

We can un-teach ourselves…………….. and begin again.

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Unhappiness is not an enemy………..just a choice.

This is not based on a moral imperative: No shoulds or should nots, just choices.

When we choose happiness, we choose love & inner peace.

When we choose love and inner peace, we will help others on the planet choose it as well…by our example.

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We can live our dreams….instead of just dreaming them.

We can make a difference!

We ARE the difference.