Shortcuts to Happiness: Part xii

During most of my adult life I saw the world in a state of doom and gloom. Of course that had an effect on me as a functioning human being. I was consumed by my gloom, pessimism & ‘tragedies’ to be able to learn from my mistakes, so I kept repeating them until life became almost unbearable. I wasn’t in the flow of life….. the ebb & flow of the universe, like the great seas with endless motion of tides, the rhythms of the seasons, similarly, women in the same household will report that their monthly cycles occur simultaneously as if their internal body rhythms were synchronized. Clockmakers have noted that pendulum clocks on a wall in close proximity will subtly alter their rhythms and start ticking in unison. Scientists have found that two heart cells taken from two separate creatures when placed next to each other under a microscope will synchronize & start beating together. Have you ever heard someone saying how they’re just not “in-synch” with the day because ‘everything’ is going wrong!

Then something happened to alter my thinking and I made the decision to open myself to the possibility that all we encounter does have possibilities and opportunities for joy and for learning, that we can make all circumstances useful for our spiritual growth. Certainly a universe in which this possibility exists is “user friendly.” It might, in fact be even more friendly than we could have ever imagined. If we are our own belief makers, we can create any vision of the universe that we want and accumulate evidence to support it. In choosing the happiness option and the attitudinal changes and advantages that flow from it we open a window to a whole new world.

In my life, I have chosen the user friendly perspective including a belief & faith in a happy and loving G-d trying to help me to be happy and loving. My early training had brought me to a belief in a punishing, pain & suffering perspective of G-d and although I can say that I have learned from pain, I have grown so much more from happiness. I recognize that my increased inner ease, self acceptance and happiness that allowed me a profound spiritual change was not available in the midst of desperation and discomfort.

Shortcuts to Happiness: Part xi

To really know and understand, first hand, that people are well intentioned beneath their misery and fear teaches me about the greatness of human dynamics and enables me to be hopeful. We could stare with horror at all the “well intended” souls who use drugs, alcohol, arguments, abuse, murder & war to fill their desires. But we could also know that we are staring into the muddled and explosive face of unhappiness.

We can do our very best to try to prevent such activities, but we can also look at those around us, no matter how problematic and different they are from us, let’s start to look at the similarities, letting go of our prejudices and judgments. At the core, we all want happiness for ourselves, our children and others we love. Some people may use the terms (peace contentment, fulfillment, satisfaction.) But it all amounts to that one word, happy.

As I have grown to love people instead of hating, judging, jealousing, resenting, bittering, as best I can, because that’s what I was do-ing. My friends, acquaintances, children and strangers alike, I have developed great respect for their intentions. I have found that underneath the sometimes, bizarre behavior, there has been unhappiness.

If I’m loving and patient I can ask gently, probe a little, to help the other person help themselves by their own exploration in turn each exploration gives the other an opportunity to uncover and discard if they choose, their beliefs fueling their unhappiness and discomfort.

The point of change usually happens in an instant, as it does for many addicts and alcoholics when they have reached their bottom and have a ‘spiritual experience’ the sudden realization to bring about, a significant change in their lives.

Shortcuts to Happiness: Part x

Try to imagine how life would be, if the bank clerk was happy & smiling, or the bus driver, or the shop keeper or how your stay in hospital would have been much more bearable without the cantankerous head nurse yelling at everyone all day long. I say to myself that these people must be in a lot of pain, sick of their hurts of life......usually this is the case.

It has been my experience that when one person overcomes anxiety, insecurity, drug dependency, physical disability, fear of death, the trauma of rape, the agony of divorce or any other black hole of personal discomfort, all those around that person are touched by his or her triumphs. As one person becomes happier, his or her attitudinal change alters the dynamics of all those around them, thereby having an enormous impact on his family and friends.

If happiness means that we become easier, more comfortable with ourselves, more accepting of others and their opinions (we don’t really have to be right all the time!) respectful, excited and appreciative of what we do and with whom we interact with, would we not become a pleasure to all those we meet?

I have heard people tell me the most horrendous stories of what has happened to them and what they have done to others. Instead of grimacing or showing any form of internal judgment about what had been shared I have asked in a simple non-judgmental way “why are you labeling yourself a terrible or bad person."

Most likely the response is “Everyone in the world would call me terrible for that” I will repeat the question again……….knowing that I am not judging, but accepting him, (not his deeds), he will start to relax and more often than not the stories of his childhood will pour out, probably for the first time ever. What this does is opens a channel for a client, friend, child, spouse or loved one to be able to express himself in a safe, non threatening way.

To know that we are accepted for who we are warts and all, will bring about a change in our beliefs, our vision and our life. To become more self-accepting, as well as happier in our actions (keep on doing the next right thing, no matter what it takes) by being more nurturing and loving to ourselves, our families and friends.
We are the difference.